Caring For Your Chaney (Who Am I - Draft)

By definition I am a Homo sapien. Raised by my parental units, they gave me a name. Chaney Donellen Shaw. A combination of random characters and pauses that creates a sound that I respond to.

I need rest, nutrients, a warm climate, to be planted in complete sunlight, and I need to be watered daily or else I will not grow. Just kidding.

I’m full grown.

When caring for your Chaney:

Do not make sudden movements and approach slowly with edibles in outstretched hands. She might lick your face. This is normal behavior.

Do not ask your Chaney any questions about the future, this may scare her and she might run off.

Chaneys tend to get overstressed due to the amount of work they put off. Telling her to do her work will only make her more stressed, respond to her with head scratches.

It is okay to allow your Chaney at the dinner table, contrary to belief, she has intermediate skills in table manners.

Chaney needs an average of 24 hours of sleep per day. Chaney will steal your things and is very nosey. She can survive on no sleep but have coffee given to her throughout the day.

Most Chaneys have bad posture, this is normal. She’s just lazy.

When entertaining your Chaney:

She needs full and fast WiFi at all times. When without a laptop, desktop, tablet, or smartphone, she will go hysteric.

She can go without social interaction for days.

“Hanging out” includes

Movies or TV shows

Constant supply of food

Car rides

Adventures

Warm walks

Naps

Being in the same room

If your Chaney gets bored she will either (A) cry or (B) sleep. - See below if one of these happens to your Chaney:

1. Crying is normal in your Chaney. She is prone to cry spells, anxiety, and panic attacks. She recovers quickly, give her time.
2. Sleep is better than crying. This is a good thing.

When disciplining your Chaney:

You don’t.

Characteristics about your average Chaney:

She has an ego about theatre and guard. Let her brag and show off. She knows that she is talented in these fields.

Hobbies include:

Naps

Eating

Watching movies or TV

Scrolling Tumblr

Makeup

Procrastinating

Knitting

Writing

Drawing

She is very opinionated about LGBTQA Rights and Awareness

She is a feminist

Overview of your Chaney:

Everyone has a different opinion about their Chaney. Some love her and some hate her. The only way you will know if Chaney is right for you is to bring her into your life and see how it works out.

Frequently Asked Questions

“I can’t seem to find a Chaney anywhere. Where can I get one?”

There is only one Chaney (Donellen Shaw)  in existence, which is probably for the best. You can find her on campus usually in Engineering or the J-School. She is a member of Marching Mizzou, so you can look for her then as well.

“Does a Chaney make a lot of noise?”

On occasion, but it depends on the situation. When on a topic she is passionate about, she will talk for years. When working with a group or trying to take responsibility, she will talk. When she is alone, she won’t talk. She is not shy, she just has nothing to add to the conversation at times. Hence responding in grumbles.This is normal.

“What does a Chaney eat? Any special requirements?”

She will eat mostly anything. Not very picky.

A note from a Chaney:

Just bring food and Netflix, we will get along just fine.